A weird night, but hopeful...
I think it explains a lot about my life that when I'm over-tired, my
actions and qualities resemble those that normal people describe when
they talk about being drunk. It explains my life further when I
realize that I have spent a significant percentage of my life
over-tired because my sleep schedule is basically stochastic. But anyway, so last night I got all hopeful and thoughtful and
buddhist and whatnot. I think that one of my strengths personally is
the ability to generally be fairly easy-going about things. I listen,
I try to be understanding, and mostly things just kind of slide off
me. I try not to get too worked up about things which are temporary,
in other words. This can occasionally be a negative trait, for
instance leading into things such as crippling procrastination, but
I'm working on that as a kind of secondary project without eliminating
the fairly positive easy-going-ness totally. But so, last night I
basically decided that all the ridiculous crap that I invent in my
brain to worry about is just that, made-up crap, and I should just
stop. Of course upon so deciding I immediately sort of began worrying
about it all over again, and moreover bringing it up for discussion
with the other person involved at a time when that person probably
didn't need much more help in the "emotional bullshit to worry about"
department. Which has the overall effect of most likely making me look
like an insecure and fairly emotionally stunted asshole. Which, y'know, is not exactly what I was going for when I started out. Alas. But so, the main thing I think is that I really am making an effort to
simplify my life. This includes mainly my penchant for over-analysis.
I have, for the past few months, attempted to imbue great and
detrimental meaning to every action of those closest to me, because I
just can't believe that positive things can come into my life. And I'm
done with that. Occam had a razor, and it tells us that the simple
truth is, if life looks positive and I feel that I am loved and
appreciated, then I probably just am, and all the other crap I find
myself thinking about how it can't possibly be true, that there has to
be some secret that will ruin everything is just paranoia and
self-deprecation, and I should just shut the fuck up and enjoy things
because that's what I'm here for.
actions and qualities resemble those that normal people describe when
they talk about being drunk. It explains my life further when I
realize that I have spent a significant percentage of my life
over-tired because my sleep schedule is basically stochastic. But anyway, so last night I got all hopeful and thoughtful and
buddhist and whatnot. I think that one of my strengths personally is
the ability to generally be fairly easy-going about things. I listen,
I try to be understanding, and mostly things just kind of slide off
me. I try not to get too worked up about things which are temporary,
in other words. This can occasionally be a negative trait, for
instance leading into things such as crippling procrastination, but
I'm working on that as a kind of secondary project without eliminating
the fairly positive easy-going-ness totally. But so, last night I
basically decided that all the ridiculous crap that I invent in my
brain to worry about is just that, made-up crap, and I should just
stop. Of course upon so deciding I immediately sort of began worrying
about it all over again, and moreover bringing it up for discussion
with the other person involved at a time when that person probably
didn't need much more help in the "emotional bullshit to worry about"
department. Which has the overall effect of most likely making me look
like an insecure and fairly emotionally stunted asshole. Which, y'know, is not exactly what I was going for when I started out. Alas. But so, the main thing I think is that I really am making an effort to
simplify my life. This includes mainly my penchant for over-analysis.
I have, for the past few months, attempted to imbue great and
detrimental meaning to every action of those closest to me, because I
just can't believe that positive things can come into my life. And I'm
done with that. Occam had a razor, and it tells us that the simple
truth is, if life looks positive and I feel that I am loved and
appreciated, then I probably just am, and all the other crap I find
myself thinking about how it can't possibly be true, that there has to
be some secret that will ruin everything is just paranoia and
self-deprecation, and I should just shut the fuck up and enjoy things
because that's what I'm here for.
